Spa Season

7 Nov

Men… well, all the men that I know… consider the month of Fall to be “Hunting Season”.  This is a Truth that I grew up knowing.  I knew that my father would be absent in October to a place that I couldn’t picture, and wasn’t invited.  I knew that weddings planned, and babies born in October would not be looked upon as times of gladness and blessing, but of inconvenience, and resentment, and ultimately guilt at having to miss a daughter’s wedding…

I guess my question is, “when is Spa Week?”.  And if there were such a thing, is this how it would go?

“Got my plans all firmed up for Spa Week, honey.”

“You’re going spa-ing AGAIN”.

“You know I go every year.  And can you call your mother and make sure she got the dates right?  Luckily someone in our group got a package this year, so we won’t be exfoliating for nothing”.

“You mean you’re going spa-ing with my mother too?  I thought that you were going to the City with your girlfriend”.

“Oh, I’m doing that too.  This week is for manicures, but the City week is for pedicures.  And I’m going to need to more spa clothes.  Can you pick me up a reversible bathrobe?  I need it to be terrycloth on the one side, but silk on the other….”

“Why on earth do you need two different fabrics?!”

“Honey, obviously you can’t wear silk for the hot stone massage.  It would ruin it with all that water vapour.  But terrycloth is too heavy for mani-pedis.  Besides it’s the law.  I’m also going to need to go out to the spa and clear my area ahead of time.  I need to adjust my chair so it’s the right height, and put out my nail file and clippers.  Plus, I’ll need to pick up half a dozen polishes.  I just have no idea what I’m going to need once I get there.”

“Well, when will you be back?”

“I don’t know, depends if we get the seaweed wrap or not.  Could be Tuesday, could be Friday.  I’m going to need you to get some money for travel expenses and food.  $500 should about do it”.

“Didn’t you just GO spa-ing in the Spring?”

“Spring is facial season and my annual pre-wax, and I only went in the mornings before work, this is the big stuff- MASSAGE.  I just can’t wait to head out every week to a different Spa jurisdiction so I can catch all the legal spa times, and hang out with my friends, and drink fancy cocktails, watch chick flicks and get a few treatments in”.

“Well, why can’t I go?”

“Honey, you know it’s just for women, besides, who’s going to watch the kids?!”

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10 Responses to “Spa Season”

  1. Margaret November 7, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    So true Julie! How can we make this happen for real?

    • Julie November 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm #

      I’m not sure, but we’re going to need pointless legislature to back it up, along with money grabbing schemes to make us pay more than we need to for Spa-ing!!

  2. Erin November 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    One word….BRILLANT!

  3. Marlys November 7, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    you are a beyond-clever writer!!! count me in for SPA-ing 🙂

  4. Elaine November 7, 2011 at 7:10 pm #

    bahaha!! “besides, it’s the law.”

    LOVE THIS!! I’m in for spa’ing too. *hi5*

  5. bononers November 7, 2011 at 9:41 pm #

    girl, i have no idea what 2/3 of all that stuff you said was, but i liked it!

  6. alittlewhit November 7, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

    Awesomeness! Just one thing… “the month of Fall”? 😉

    • Julie November 8, 2011 at 1:57 pm #

      You know, like how guys “say” it is only for a month, but really, hunting lasts 3!

  7. amanda November 7, 2011 at 11:31 pm #

    Man, Rob doesn’t even hunt and I still found myself nodding and laughing…must be knowing your dad and knowing just how true this is. 🙂

  8. lauren November 21, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    Best blog ever!!!

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