7 Jun

This year was my first Mother’s Day as a mother of 3.  I can’t possibly describe why I love being a mother.  Until you are, it is unfathomable.  A while ago I was called “Mommy” by two different kids (who weren’t mine, of course).  My reaction was not what I expected.

When I was growing up, my mother was the type (still is) who mothered everyone.  We could bring home strays and be assured that they would be fed, have a bed to sleep in, and a ride back to town in the morning.  We even had friends come for Christmas morning, and there were stockings (materialized out of who knows where) for them.  However, it bothered me to no end when these friends would throw the word “mom” around like, well, “like”.  I mean, she was MY mom.  Get your own mom!  Which was the problem, of course.  If they had a good relationship with their own mothers, they wouldn’t be poaching mine.  I resented these intrusions on an area that I considered reserved-for-blood-only.

Now that I am a mother, I understand a little better.  Some kids use “Mom” as a word to describe women who are “mom age”.  How many primary school teachers have been called “Mom” by a distracted student.  And how many students still blush from the memory of calling their teacher “Mom” in front of everybody!

Some kids use “Mom” as an easier title than “Mrs. Howarth”.  I mean, all the other kids call me “Mom”.  I answer to that name as readily as any other.  It makes sense.

But I think it brings a reminder to us that parenting isn’t and shouldn’t be reserved for only parents.  We all have so many strengths and weaknesses that raising children with a village mentality serves many purposes.  Why wouldn’t I want other woman to come alongside my own girls and provide wisdom, and vicarious experiences I don’t possess?

If I trust my girlfriends enough to lay my own confidences at their feet, shouldn’t I also trust them to want as much for my children as I do?  Don’t I have that instinctual urge to give them the best?  And in turn, give away my best to their kids?

Bronwyn has 2 friends of mine that she adores.  Neither have kids.  I don’t know if she sees in them an opening for her to stake a claim where no other child has a place (and thereby ensuring a double portion of daily attention), or if she sees their potential to be great mothers, and is drawn to them because of that.  Either way, it is sweet to watch.

Would I still be all rose-coloured glasses about the whole thing if my kids rejected me in favour of another mother?  I don’t know.  That would hurt, but I guess it comes down to realizing that I can’t be everything to everybody and rejoicing in the fact that my child turned to another trusted adult to help her, instead of her peers, drugs or alcohol.

I need to lay aside my jealousy over my perceived ownership of my mom, and in my kids too.  If they want to call someone else “Mom”, that’s fine with me.


One Response to “Mommyx3”

  1. Natalie June 7, 2010 at 7:47 pm #

    Well said, ..basically every woman is a mother in a sense, no matter what when nurturing another.

    We even “mother” our girl friends (in a non-offensive way, hopefully) and it is all the more a friendship.

    How about sharing the name “Grandma”?…this is tolerated by the counterpart having another name :). How many of us are out there with the same name? And how fun is it when you are given an abbreviated name…as Bronwyn is prone to do. If I am “Gram”…then you could be “Ma”.

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