Things that make me… CRY!

25 Mar

Cry 1:  Bronwyn had her first day of preschool today.  I am not ashamed to admit it… I cried a little.  I think I had to.  I mean, what kind of bond could I think we had if it didn’t tear me up a little inside to see my baby walk through a door without me?  I would have been more ok if she had cried and fussed and refused to leave me.  I would have been more worried that she would NEVER leave me.  But she didn’t.  She put on her brave face, and, clutching Baby Pig (dressed up in his best jewelery) to her chest she marched into the classroom.  I hung around a bit to make sure I was composed she was ok.  I shouldn’t have bothered.  As soon as I made it to the car, the tears were prickling at the backs of my eyes, and I gunned it out of there before I changed my mind and ran back to reclaim her.  Or worse, headed to the store for locks to keep her in the house forever.

Cry 2:  Seeing Josselyn struggling to crawl, well, anywhere.  She is so independent.  But she also just wants to be where I am.  And it pains me to see her valiantly inching her way down the hall when I know I am only gone for a second.  But she doesn’t know that and I see it in her eyes.

“I haven’t abandoned you, baby!!!”

Too bad she doesn’t understand English…

Cry 3:  Holly and Bronwyn have been “fighting” lately.  An example: “you’re bossy”.  “No YOU bossy”.  “I am not bossy.  Tell her mom, tell her I am not bossy RIGHT NOW”.  “Fine, you madder”.  “I am not mad”.  “Yes!  Yes, you madder”.  “Moooooom, she said I am mad at her”.  “Actually I think she said you were ‘madder’.  Are you more mad than she is?”  “I AM NOT MAD.”  “Mommmmmyyyyyy, Bra-bra hit me”.  “MY NAME IS NOT BRA-BRA, AND I DID NOT HIT YOU.”  “Bonwyn punch me?  Slap me?  Push me?”  ” NO I didn’t!!!!”.  “MMMOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM”

Any one else laughing?  It brings tears to my eyes every day!!  Partly because of the ridiculousness.  Partly because they have ZERO clue what “bossy” even means.  And partly because it brings back so many memories of me and Elaine.  Except I was Holly and Elaine was Bronwyn.  If I haven’t said it before, Elaine.  I am SO sorry for all the times I antagonized you simply to get a reaction.  But, you were SO funny when you were mad!!

Cry 4:  I caught the tail end of an Amber Alert the other day.  It was just to inform listeners that the boys had been found, were safe, and that someone had been charged with kidnapping; but, I still cried.  I just couldn’t help but project my own life onto the situation.  What if it had been the girls?  What if I had just spent all those hours worrying, and praying, and being unable to breathe with the suspense and stress?  As the kids get older, it becomes more real that something might happen to them.  Chances are it won’t.  I can’t live my life being afraid to go outside.  I refuse, in fact.  I trust that God will protect my kids, and if He doesn’t then that is up to Him.  But… the controlling, prideful, self-serving part of me has a hard time swallowing that principle sometimes.  And so I still worry… a little.

Cry 5:  My new bestest buddy is leaving me for 2 weeks!  Unfortunately, living in a town with an army base next door has some drawbacks.  The first being that every friend you make will eventually get posted somewhere else, and then, even if they stay, every holiday they take off to some far-off location to spend time with their families.  So, now I am on my own to mope around during the day, and put way too much pressure on my husband to “talk” to me about his feelings.  He is counting the days until she returns too, I am sure!  But, since I know she’ll be reading this, I have to admit, I got a little teary on the way home tonight.  I am such a GIRL!

Cry 6:  Bronwyn is growing up.  We talked about this last time, but more specifically, she is growing up socially.  I love this about her actually.  She is so keen to make friends.  She tries to talk to other little girls her age and it is the cutest thing I have ever seen.  Conversation sample:  “Hi, what’s your name?”  “Ella (or Ruby or Madison or Megan…)”.  “My name is Bronwyn”.  Awkward silence.  Me: “ask her how old she is…”  “How old are you?”  “Three”.  “ME TOO!”  All excited.  “I like your shoes, they are really sparkly.”  “I am going to school in the fall.”  “Well, I am going to school too- tomorrow!”  No you’re not, you are going in the fall too.  “Oh”.  “Well, ok. Bye”  Runs back to me to announce she made a new friend.  “I like to make friends every day.  I also like to try a new food everyday.  Tomorrow I am going to try another new food.  That is the day after this one.  I also am working on liking other colours.  My friend Madison likes blue, and so do I…”

Tear.

Cry 7:  We might have to put Nevis down.  He’s been a good dog, but his hips are bad (he’s a lab) and we just can’t bear to see him suffer.  We are also really cheap, and not willing to invest time or money into fixing a dog that is un-fixable.  It is just prolonging the inevitable, in my opinion.  I get a little teary every time I think, not of how the girls, or Bruce or I will react when the time comes, but Dude.  They grew up together.  I don’t think I could stand to see him pine for his brother.  It hurts my heart just to think about it.  It hurts my heart just to put it down in words.  But there you have it.  The life cycle.

Speaking of, Bruce rescued a baby fish (a fry they are called) today.  Apparently one of the other fish had offspring, and this one survived!  It was so sweet to watch him patiently find, and scoop it out.  He wouldn’t come to dinner until he had made sure it was safe.  I think I married a softie!

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6 Responses to “Things that make me… CRY!”

  1. Karolyn March 26, 2010 at 8:46 am #

    I can just hear B saying outloud what you wrote for Cry #6…so sweet :^(

  2. Steph March 26, 2010 at 3:46 pm #

    Make sure you give Dude some closure.
    Remember when Mom’s coworker had to put down one of her rotweillers, and the vet told her that dogs can understand death but they can’t understand abandonment?
    So sad, when did his hips get so bad?

  3. Amanda March 26, 2010 at 8:40 pm #

    You’re not cheap, you’re realistic. When we got the dog we agree on what we would and wouldn’t to for the sake of her health/longevity. We got her right around the time Rob’s brother spent $3000! on his dog b/c it had been hit by a car.

    Sorry Elaine, but I agree with Julie…you were funny when you got angry. 😉 And Julie, antagonizing comes with the oldest sib title. I know I did that to Mark and Adam all.the.time.

  4. katrina March 27, 2010 at 11:13 am #

    I love your writing/thoughts.

    And just for the record, I would love to swoop in and fill the spot of your newest “bestest buddy” for any two week period.

    Will I see you this summer at all? We’re in Canada June 9 – Aug 5…but not sure what days out of those will be spent in Sudbury. Do you have any “summer days in Sudbury” planned yet?

  5. Julie March 29, 2010 at 1:38 pm #

    No summer Sudbury plans yet but we are going to New Brunswick with the whole fam beginning of July!! Let me know when you’ll be in Suds though and I will make the effort to get there!!!

  6. PiterJankovich March 30, 2010 at 1:41 pm #

    My name is Piter Jankovich. oOnly want to tell, that your blog is really cool
    And want to ask you: is this blog your hobby?
    P.S. Sorry for my bad english

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